One of the many funny, smart and entertaining people I read is Jen Lancaster. Buy all of her books starting with either "Bitter is the New Black" or "If You Were Here." Actually just read the first one you come across and you will look for the others. If you do not like her sense of humor, chances are you will not like mine. However, she is more comfortable using colorful language and while I use such language in daily conversation with friends (sometimes hourly depending on my mood), I am not quite to the point where I want my mother to read it. From me. Without context. (Hi Mom!) I mean, c'mon people, my Momz provides free child-care help not to mention is more than willing to fall off the healthy wagon and join me in a lovely coffee beverage, waffle or baked good. Cannot go rockin' that boat. No sir.
Anyway, on one of my weekly browsings of blogs, I came across a contest on Jen Lancaster's website http://www.jennsylvania.com/jennsylvania/ to tell a story in six words and win an advanced copy of her new novel. I had been reading the Bryant and May books and came across a line wherein Bryant describes a co-worker as having "all the charm of a rectal probe." I should not have to tell you that is hilarious and I plan to use in describing many, many people (not you, of course.) My first six word story was going to be "Single octagenarian with charm of colonoscopy." Or something along those lines. I thought it would be funny for a cantankerous pensioner to be on the dating scene but I could not get the words to work. Then I thought "what is some funny stuff I have said or heard from my two year old?" Lots of material there. The one that stood out though was "Luke, quit playing with the breast pump!" And unless you are attached to one, breast pumps are funny. After talking to my Mom about that, she said "What are those things that people use to smoke?" Um, Mom? That would be a bong. (She did grow up in the 1960's and by grow up I'm talking late teens/twenties. Apparently never went around Haight-Ashbury though.) So my submission for Jen Lancaster's contest was "Dude! Breast pump! Not a bong!" So, here is the link for contest where you can read others submissions: http://www.jennsylvania.com/jennsylvania/2011/03/not-a-toilet-and-a-giveaway-but-mostly-not-a-toilet.html I am not sure exactly how many people entered, but I thought around 1200. Anyway, she and her hubby picked my entry!!!! (and someone else's as tie, but whatever) http://www.jennsylvania.com/jennsylvania/2011/04/winner-or-rather-winners.html So I received via Fed Ex (because Jen does not mess around with the postal service, or she has some sort of business account with Fed Ex) an autographed copy of her new novel! She probably should have used a P.O. Box as a return address because now I know where she lives and all and am totally going there on my next vacation. Just kidding. Maybe. I will send a very nice, albeit sort of late, thank you card. And maybe some legal documents to see if she would be honorary Godmother to my two oh-so-loveable dogs. Picture of book and autograph to follow. If you like John Hughes (and I know some of you do), tales of home buying / repair, and just a really good belly chuckle, read "If You Were Here." Maybe with a glass of wine and the soundtrack to "Sixteen Candles" (or I guess just some music from it because apparently you cannot buy the damn thing without a line of credit.)
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Blog Fail
So my blog is all "Oh, it's you again is it? Think you can just waltz on in and pick up where we left off, eh? Whatever." If my blog could roll its eyes, it would.
I've read lots and lots since February. The entire Bryant and May series to date by Christopher Fowler. A couple of elderly English detectives solving random crimes. Peculiar crimes if you will. Here is a link to the website: http://www.peculiarcrimesunit.com/ I will note that the first book was a bit hard for me to read because it flips back and forth from 1941 to the present. But maybe that is because I was, and still am, severely sleep-deprived. But since I am all learned and stuff, I figured it out.
I have also read several of the "Pretty Little Liars" books because I need something completely and totally unrelated to my real life as possible and something a little different than murder mysteries. Wait. Murder mysteries WITHOUT teenage angst and references to designer shoes, handbags and makeup. So here's the link to that: http://www.prettylittleliars.com/ And yes, I love the show.
Another good one is "It's All Relative" by Wade Rouse. I have read two of his other books and really enjoyed them. Laugh out loud funny! Although they can get a bit teary. http://www.waderouse.com/content/index.asp
"Shadow Pass" by Sam Eastland is the second in the Inspector Pekkala series. The stories are set in Russia during and after the Russian Revolution. I enjoy the mystery but also the flashbacks to Pekkala's time with Nicholas and Alexandra. http://www.inspectorpekkala.com/
For a very, very, very funny mystery I recommend "Heads You Lose" by Lisa Lutz. She wrote this book with an ex-boyfriend and inspired me to write a relay book with a friend. http://lisalutz.com/ You should also read all of her other books. Anyone who will drop Dr. Who into their story is someone I will support.
On Jen Lancaster's recommendation I read "Skipping a Beat" by Sarah Pekkanen. Thru the first 20 or so pages I did not think I was going to like this book. I thought it was too "girlie" for me. Too much like a Lifetime movie. And maybe it was. But just like those movies, I got sucked in and did not stop reading until I finished it while crying like a three-year old whose Betsy Wetsy just got its head torn off by the bully with a bad haircut. However, unlike a Lifetime movie, I felt I could recommend this without any shame whatsoever. http://www.sarahpekkanen.com/the-books/skipping-a-beat After finishing this at 2am, I needed something that I knew would only make me cry because I was laughing so hard and needed a Poise pad. (Funny side note: while in CVS the other day, my two year old picked up a package of Poise pads, holds them out to me and says "Mommy need diapers?" Not yet, son. Not yet.) The book I chose needs its own special post. Tomorrow.
I've read lots and lots since February. The entire Bryant and May series to date by Christopher Fowler. A couple of elderly English detectives solving random crimes. Peculiar crimes if you will. Here is a link to the website: http://www.peculiarcrimesunit.com/ I will note that the first book was a bit hard for me to read because it flips back and forth from 1941 to the present. But maybe that is because I was, and still am, severely sleep-deprived. But since I am all learned and stuff, I figured it out.
I have also read several of the "Pretty Little Liars" books because I need something completely and totally unrelated to my real life as possible and something a little different than murder mysteries. Wait. Murder mysteries WITHOUT teenage angst and references to designer shoes, handbags and makeup. So here's the link to that: http://www.prettylittleliars.com/ And yes, I love the show.
Another good one is "It's All Relative" by Wade Rouse. I have read two of his other books and really enjoyed them. Laugh out loud funny! Although they can get a bit teary. http://www.waderouse.com/content/index.asp
"Shadow Pass" by Sam Eastland is the second in the Inspector Pekkala series. The stories are set in Russia during and after the Russian Revolution. I enjoy the mystery but also the flashbacks to Pekkala's time with Nicholas and Alexandra. http://www.inspectorpekkala.com/
For a very, very, very funny mystery I recommend "Heads You Lose" by Lisa Lutz. She wrote this book with an ex-boyfriend and inspired me to write a relay book with a friend. http://lisalutz.com/ You should also read all of her other books. Anyone who will drop Dr. Who into their story is someone I will support.
On Jen Lancaster's recommendation I read "Skipping a Beat" by Sarah Pekkanen. Thru the first 20 or so pages I did not think I was going to like this book. I thought it was too "girlie" for me. Too much like a Lifetime movie. And maybe it was. But just like those movies, I got sucked in and did not stop reading until I finished it while crying like a three-year old whose Betsy Wetsy just got its head torn off by the bully with a bad haircut. However, unlike a Lifetime movie, I felt I could recommend this without any shame whatsoever. http://www.sarahpekkanen.com/the-books/skipping-a-beat After finishing this at 2am, I needed something that I knew would only make me cry because I was laughing so hard and needed a Poise pad. (Funny side note: while in CVS the other day, my two year old picked up a package of Poise pads, holds them out to me and says "Mommy need diapers?" Not yet, son. Not yet.) The book I chose needs its own special post. Tomorrow.
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