Scenes from a Gas Station (and chicken salad recipe for one of my peeps)

Somewhere in South Carolina

Gas Pump:  Welcome to "Gas is Cheaper in South Carolina."  Please insert card and remove quickly.

Me:  [Inserts card and removes quickly.]

Pump:  Is that credit or debit?

Me:  Credit.

Pump:  Please enter zip code.

Me:  [Enters zip code.]

Pump:  "Hmph, what are you doin' comin' all the way down here for cheap gas and you have an American Idol winner livin' down the street from you?"

Me:  "She lives in the swanky neighborhood.  I am more 'swanky-adjacent.'"

Pump:  "Hmmm, sure.  Do you want regular, plus or premium?"

Me:  [Pushes regular button.]

Pump:  "Seriously?  With a car that big?"

Me:  "Yes, gas is expensive anyway and I got a kid in preschool, we just had to get a new roof, our two big dogs are on this expensive senior food for their joints . ."

Pump:  "Whatever lady."  *cough*cheapskate*cough*  "Well, start pumping."

Me:  [Starts pumping.]

Pump:  [Turns off.]  "You mean you came all the way down here to get five gallons of gas?  Talk about a waste. Should have known when I saw that big ol' SUV come rollin' up."

Me:  "As a matter of fact I am on my way to make a donation to one of your local charities and decided to stop on the way so I wasted no gas at all thank you very much.  Why are you so angry?"
Pump:  "Me?  Angry?  Why listen you . . . sorry, I'm just tired what with all you Charlotte people coming down here and all.  And the fumes.  They just get to me."

Me:  "Ok.  No problem."

Pump:  "Do you want a car wash today?"

Me:  [pushes "no" button.]

Pump:  "Are you sure?  Cuz from where I'm standing it looks like your car is about 2 1/2 hours away from your kid writing 'Wash Me' on the back window."

Me:  "Not gonna happen.  He can't write.  Or spell for that matter."

Pump:  "Sheesh, sorry lady."
Me:  "Not a big deal, he's 3."

Pump: "Oh.  Well, do you want a receipt?"

Me:  [pushes "no" button.]

Pump:  "I see.  So now you are trying to save the environment even though you drive that 18-wheeler all over town."

Me:  "No, its just that I end up throwing the receipts away anyway and  . . . why I am explaining myself to you?"

And you know how at the end you usually see a nice "Thank you for shopping at blah-de-blah.  Have a nice day."?  Well, I could have sworn I saw "Get lost.  Oh, and you might want to think about laying off the cupcakes."

Chicken Salad:

1 can chicken or pick apart a rotisserie chicken
start with 1/2 cup may then add more if you like
1 granny smith apple cut up really small (in a mini-chopper if you have one)
1/2 cup pecans chopped or mini-chopper-ed
salt and pepper to taste

Mix it up and shove it in yo mouth.

The chicken salad from the boy's birthday party:

4 cups chicken (I think I used two big cans (heh) or one rotisserie)
call for 3 celery ribs, but I think you know my feelings on celery
1 cup craisins
1/2 cup chopped toasted pecans
1 1/2 cups mayo (maybe start with 1 cup and see how you feel)
1/3 cup honey
salt and pepper to taste

Mix chicken, celery (if you must), craisins and pecans.
In separate bowl, mix mayo, honey, salt and pepper.  Pour mayo mixture over chicken mixture and mixture them.

Days 7 and 8 of 12 Days of Christmas Cookies - Chocolate Raspberry Spritz and Maple Snickerdoodles

I have been trying to post everyday but in hindsight that seems a little ambitious. Next year I will plan ahead and have my 12 days of Christmas Cookie posts done early, save 'em up and then just add a little tidbit of yuletide snark and be done! You know, the same with Christmas cards!

Chocolate Raspberry Spritz - from the same Nestle cookbook as the Merry Spritz but with chocolate and raspberry

1 1/2 foil wrapped (3 oz) unsweetened chocolate baking bars
3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) butter, softened
1 cup sugar
1/2 tsp salt
1 egg
1/2 cup raspberry preserves (I use raspberry or blackberry jam)
1 tsp vanilla
3 cups all purpose flour

Preheat oven to 350. In small saucepan over low heat, melt chocolate and set aside.

In large mixer bowl, beat butter, sugar and salt until creamy. Blend in egg, preserves (or jam) and vanilla extract. Blend in melted chocolate. Gradually beat in flour. Place dough in cookie press fitted with desired tip. Press dough onto ungreased cookie sheets.

Bake 8 to 10 minutes until set. Let stand one minute. Remove from cookie sheets and cool.

Your good for you meal is something sort of generic but really tasty if you do it up right: Grilled Chicken Salad. Sounds lame, right? Maybe, maybe not. I season the chicken with greek seasoning then grill on the George Foreman. Slice it up and place it on top of your choice of greens. Add some (but not a lot) of mandarian orange slices, craisins and toasted almond slivers. Also a bit of crumbed goat cheese and a light raspberry vinaigrette and that is one tasty salad! (Not something you will hear me say a lot.)

Day 8 is Maple Snickerdoodles and I totally get to cheat on this one. I love maple syrup. So much so that it is pretty much the only syrup I buy anymore. Second place in the syrup hierarchy goes to Smucker's Blackberry syrup but the bastards quit selling it my area. Pretty soon I am going to have to order syrup online and for some reason that seems sad. . . . . . . I just searched and they do not sell it anywhere within a 120 mile radius of my house. Lame. So, back to maple syrup. I also love snickerdoodles or almost any cookie rolled in sugar and this one is rolled in maple sugar!!! I have not tried it but here is a link to the recipe I am going to try. Soon. Like this weekend when my minion, I mean my sister comes to visit. (Love you B!)

http://http//allrecipes.com//Recipe/ultimate-maple-snickerdoodles/Detail.aspx

I should have done a maple theme with that Pork Tenderloin with Maple Glaze but that would have made sense. So your healthy item could be a meal if you ate enough of them but is more of a side dish. Spinach Topped Tomatoes. This recipe came from my well used and loved cookbook from a school in my hometown. Back in 1995 I was a young college graduate with visions of law school in my head and a job as a customer service representative at a local insurance agency. Starting salary $12,000. Seriously. There I was, toiling away fielding calls from people who needed to either file a claim because they ran into a deer (happens a lot more than you think and should be covered by your collision coverage) or reluctantly add their teenage child to their auto policy. The owners and their kids went to this private school and came in wanting to sell the cookbooks to the employees. I think the cookbook cost about 5% of my net earnings but I was suckered into buying it anyway. Or was it $5.00? Either way it seemed like a lot to me. But I have used this cookbook so much the back page jumped ship and there seems to be more of my notetaking than the actual print.

1 pkg frozen chopped spinach
1 cup bread crumbs (sometimes I use the Progresso Italian breadcrumbs)
1 medium onion, chopped (or about 1 tsp onion powder if you are like me and like the flavor of onions without actually eating them)
2 eggs, well beaten
1 stick of butter (I do 1/4 to 1/2 a stick)
1/4 cup Romano cheese
1/2 tsp Accent (which I've yet to find so I do not use)
1/2 tsp garlic salt
1/2 tsp thyme
1/2 tsp pepper
Dash of cayenne and salt

You can really use whatever seasonings you like. Switch it up. Using a colander, press the water out of the spinach. This is the worst part of this whole recipe. Mix all ingredients and put on top of a thickly sliced tomato. Arrange either on a foil-lined cookie sheet with edges or in large Pyrex dish. Sprinkle with grated mozzarella cheese (if you like) and sprinkle with Parmesan cheese. Bake for about 5 to 10 minutes then turn on the broiler to get the cheese bubbly and brown. Store leftovers in fridge. Leftovers are also good cold if you like that kind of thing.

Day 3 of 12 Days of Christmas Cookies - Chocolate Chip Shortbread

I have had this recipe for at least 12 years and love it. So easy, buttery and crispy yet slightly chewy. It also has a bit of salty sweet going for it which is always respectable in a cookie. They look at little something like this:

Chocolate Chip Shortbread

1/2 cup butter, softened

1/2 cup sugar

1 tsp vanilla

1 cup all purpose flour

1/4 tsp salt

1/2 cup mini chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Beat butter and sugar in a large bowl with electric mixer at medium speed until light and fluffy. Beat in vanilla. Add flour and salt. Stir in chips. Easy peasy!

Divide dough in half. Press each half into ungreased 8 inch round cake pan (it can be thin in some places). Bake 12 minutes or until edges are light brown. Score (cut almost all the way thru) shortbread with sharp knife. Make 8 wedges per pan.

Let pans stand on wire racks for 10 minutes. Invert (I always think of "Top Gun" when I hear this word but you do not need to flip off your shortbread. Unless you are in a bad mood and it makes you feel better then please, by all means do so.) shortbread onto wire racks. Cool completely and break into wedges.

Now your healthy dinner.

Chicken Burgers with Feta Cheese on Mini Pitas

This is actually a Weight Watchers recipe and very tasty. You can use ground chicken or ground turkey. Personally I find the ground turkey a bit dry. You can use regular, low-fat or, if they make it, fat free feta. You can also use either white or wheat mini pitas. Put ground chicken in a bowl (I use a mixer for better feta distribution), add 1/4 to a whole container of feta cheese. Well, it is this kind of feta cheese, which I think is about 8 oz. Use plain, garlic, sun-dried tomato or whatever flavor you like.

You can also add any spices you like to the mixture. Make 4 patties and grill 'em up on the George Foreman. Toast up some mini pita, smack the burger in the middle and you are done! For some reason I like to put taco sauce on the burger. I think because I like the idea of Mexico and Greece hanging out together. Of course you can also add your regular burger toppings like lettuce, tomato, blah, blah, blah.

Today was a day of running around. Took the boy to the gym, dropped off stuff at Goodwill, ate some pizza and did some Christmas shopping. Along the way I encountered an awesome server at Mellow Mushroom, a lot of rude drivers around South Park Mall, free Godiva chocolate and had fun trading insults with a good friend. But what stands out the most is the lesson I learned at the My Gym. Don't judge a book (read: person) by its cover (or outside appearance). We went to a different class today so there were new kids and, of course, new moms. One lady stood out because she was about six feet tall, very thin and attractive in an old school Ralph Lauren sort of way. She also had a two-month old she was carrying around, feeding and getting to sleep while she was chasing and playing with her two year old! So of course I am thinking "of course she has a nanny at home, how can she look and act that together with a two year old and a baby?!?!" I end up talking to her and she also has a four year old at home! Three kids under four! Crikey! She was super nice and said that she barely sleeps and her days are "challenging." Just because someone looks like they have their act together does not mean that they do.

The other lady came in with her two year old girl wearing a really cute Christmas dress and fancy Christmas bow in her hair. The mom was wearing skinny jeans, flowing black shirt, tons of diamond and pearl jewelry and a headband that looked sort of like this but was in black and white:

My first reaction was "that headband is ridiculous." Especially since most moms at the My Gym look like me: jeans or sweatpants and a casual shirt with one or more of the following stains: spit-up, wet and smushed Goldfish, yogurt or crumbs of any variety cracker, bread or cookie. Hair styles range from ponytail to hidden-under-a-hat-and-therefore-greasy-because-there-has-been-no-time-to-wash-it-in-five-days (I am assuming). My second reaction was "I would have nothing in common with her." Ok so that one ended up probably true but I learned that she is very nice and sweet and she talked to a lot of the other kids and moms which is rare in my neck of the woods. She started by telling me that my Ellie is beautiful and should be in commercials. That in and of itself is a one-way ticket to awesome in my book. Then she made me feel like one of the mad elderly with the following anecdote. Her daughter's name is Perri (or Perry, whatever, doesn't matter) and Perri has a cousin named Mason. She said she has never heard of the tv show ("Is the guy's name Mason Perry?" Um, no, but thank you for playing) but the grandparents get a kick out it whenever the cousins are together. Ok, how old do you have to be to remember Perry Mason? So she made me feel as old as her grandparents but she was super nice and while the headband was a bit much for the gym, she carried it off with her outgoing personality. So the lesson: we moms have got to stick together regardless of fashion.