From the mouths and fists of babes . . . .

First off, I finished "It Looked Better On The Model" by Laurie Notaro last night and I maintain that it is one frickin' funny book.  So, there's that.  

From the Department of You-Play-You-Pay, there is this.  You know how when you have a three-year-old and all and they decide they do not want to nap but you know that if they don't then around 3pm until say 8:30pm it is like living with some sort of PTSD-paranoid-schizophrenic-borderline-personality-disorder/multiple-personality-disorder patient who whines and makes the demands of all the terrorists in the world seem reasonable and you are afraid you cannot afford the hospital bills for the severe whiplash you are sure to have after going thru all the mood swings?  Well, that was today.  So at 4:15 I decided to carry the child upstairs for some cooling off.  He ends up falling asleep (and so do I, score!) and we wake up at 6:30pm. Not good.  When he does get a nap, he usually will not go to bed until 9:30 or 10:00 and I am prepared for that.  I usually lay in there with him until he goes to sleep which I feel will end up with him in therapy one day but for now it gets him to sleep without a fit and I figure he will have his own health insurance, hopefully, to cover his mental health bills.  So, after listening to him talk about which upstairs rooms are over which downstairs rooms he says:

"Mommy, did you pick out this house?"

Me:  "Yes, Daddy and I picked it out."

Him:  "Why did you pick out this house?"

Me:  "Well, we liked it."

Him:   . . . . . . 

Him:  "Mommy, where is the house store?"

Awww. . . . ok.  That one was mainly for the fam who reads this.  Then, just to prove he has a bit of my over-active imagination after about 10 minutes of silence I get:

"Mommy, I hear something underneath my ear."

Me:  "You do?"

Him:  "I do."

Me:  "What does it sound like?"
Him:  "Well, it is either an elephant, a snake or . . . an elephant."

Me:  "Uh.  Well, let me listen."

Him:  "Do you hear it?"
Me:  "I hear something."

Him:  "An elephant, a snake or an elephant? . . . . Or, the fan."

Me:  "Yes, I do believe it is the fan." 

Crikey, if he starts saying our a/c fan sounds like a snake I am going to need a prescription for some sleep medicine that will not mess with my dreams.  Thanks kid.

5 minutes later:

Me, whispering oh so softly that it would probably not even be picked up on government spy listening devices:  "Are you awake?"

Him:  "Yes!"

Me:  "Oh, sorry hon, I did not mean to disturb you."

Him, in a voice I believe I have heard on Dateline before:  "I like disturbing YOU, Mommy."

Crap.

5 minutes later, I hear the gentle toddler snores that means I can finally come downstairs and do some house stuff (i.e. mess around on the computer, eat a snack, etc) but before that I got a full-body toddler sleep jerk and got punched in the lip.  At least I hope he was asleep.